Academic IELTS Writing Task 2 Topic 08

 

Model Essay 12:

It is obvious that our modern lives today have experienced a considerable rise in teenage violence, especially for those under the age of eighteen. Some psychologists attribute this situation to the responsibility of teachers and parents. In fact, they do not provide children with necessary social and emotion knowledge.As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with this opinion because of some following reasons.

Firstly, it is undeniable that many teachers are in favour of old-fashioned approach to student’s academic performance. This means that they only put emphasis on knowledge in main subjects such as literature, maths, history, biology and neglect to convey pratical knowledge in reality. For example, a large number of students may be outstanding in their disciplines but they do not have full awareness of violence’s definition, potential causes as well as severe consequences. As a result, lack of realistic perception creeps up on children to commit violent crimes.

Secondly, some parents does not give their children essential support in daily lives. Actually, the dizzying pace of lives makes parents be flooded with an enormous volume of work and robs them of time to take care of children. Being devoid of love and sympathy can make children be cruel and unsociable to others. Moreover, getting out of parent’s control may expose children to damaging websites including rebellious actions. They easily imitate what they see and behave in negative ways.

In conclusion, teachers and parents are largely responsible for the popularity of violence among younsters. In fact, they do not help chidren dig deep into knowlegde about violence and give them necessary attention. If these matters are still common, level of teenage violence is more and more escalating.

(281 words)

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  • Write about the following topic:

    Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

    To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?

    Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

    Write at least 250 words

    • Let’s me take some overall words in this discourse. First of all, This above essay is not comply with the requirement of IELTS essay, namely the amount of words is far beyond of limitation allowed. That will lead to take much time for practice anything else. Secondly, in the introduction paragraph, the writer did not mention his( her) thesis completely, even the balanced opinion was not clear on it. Some academic should be used in the structural in order to obtain high marks, and also there are plenty of the simple structural should be changed by academic ones for getting high score. Using synonym & antonym should be paid attention to apply more. Eventually, if writer wishes an expected score, let’s figure out the structural by referring some effective methods of Ryan or Simon on the internet. Regards.

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