Academic IELTS Writing Task 2 Topic 08

Model Essay 14:

There is no denying that the number of youngsters who commit crime is increasing sharply all over the world. Some people believe that the lack of social and emotional learning from parents and teachers has lead to this phenomenon; meanwhile, the others argue that there are different sides we need to take into consideration before blaming the problem on parents and teachers. In my opinion, I totally agree with the second idea because of the following reasons. To begin with, in a world full of modern and advanced technologies like ours, children will have more chances to be exposed to violent scenes. It can be said that TV and the Internet are the two most common channels through which children can view these scenes. For instance, wrestling shows on ESPN or Ten Sports as well as thriller and action films like the film “I know what you did last summer” can affect badly and directly children’s behaviours because they contain violent factors such as beating each other, using guns or knives to kill rivals, etc. If children watch and mimic these actions, violent thoughts will be gradually shaped in their minds and they will apply such bad things on people around them, starting with classmates, then, strangers. As a consequence, the probability they commit a crime to satisfy themselves is no longer an unpredicted outcome. Another reason is that peers may have a greater impact on the way a teenager thinks and behaves than their parents and teachers. Youngster under 18 tend to play in groups because they find the similarities and understanding when staying with those peers. However, if they make friends with wrong people, they can be induced to do wrong things easily, for example, skipping class, fighting, robbing money, etc. As a students, I have witnessed many cases in which high school students leave school early and join gangs of young people who play violent games and fight against other gangs all the time. Therefore, we cannot attribute it to parents and teachers as they cannot entirely control whom their kids are playing with. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the increase in violent crime among youngster does not totally come from the education method of their parents and teachers. This phenomenon can be explained partly by the development in science and technology of human and the influence of peers. However, parents, together with teachers, should spend more time on caring and listening to children’s confidences to contribute to protecting them from harmful things.

(Written by: hongphuongnt_164 – 417 words)

 

 

 

 

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  • Write about the following topic:

    Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

    To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?

    Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

    Write at least 250 words

    • Let’s me take some overall words in this discourse. First of all, This above essay is not comply with the requirement of IELTS essay, namely the amount of words is far beyond of limitation allowed. That will lead to take much time for practice anything else. Secondly, in the introduction paragraph, the writer did not mention his( her) thesis completely, even the balanced opinion was not clear on it. Some academic should be used in the structural in order to obtain high marks, and also there are plenty of the simple structural should be changed by academic ones for getting high score. Using synonym & antonym should be paid attention to apply more. Eventually, if writer wishes an expected score, let’s figure out the structural by referring some effective methods of Ryan or Simon on the internet. Regards.

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