Academic IELTS Writing Task 2 Topic 08

 

Model Essay 2:

Nowadays, an alarming problem is that violent crime rates have increased considerably, particularly among young people under 18. To me, I strongly agree that lack of educating from parents is the main reason of this situation. This below essay will analyse clearly my view.
The first reason that can be easily seen is that in modern life, parents almost spend their time on working to earn money. Obviously, there is less time to take care of and supervise their children carefully. In addtion, gap between parents and children have been expanded; so these children have rarely had chances to share their feelings to their parents as well as learned from family side. Moreover, there are plenty of negative items such as violent films, bad things from Internet of crime that survive around us; without parents’ control, children have been influenced on those things easily.
Another factor that needs to be mentioned is that unstable marriage life have led to a surge in divorce rates. Having a broken family and shortage of love from both mother and father have caused distraction of those youngsters in their study and some significant negative impacts of their psychology. As a result, children with immature character have become more aggressive, behave rudely and particularly imitated violent film or plunged headlong into social evils.
However, it is undeniable that parents is not the only factor that leads to increase young violent crime percentage. Since it depends on conceit of these youngsters about protecting themselves from harmful impacts, In spite of dealing with the above sitiuation, some of those children have lived positively. Neverthless, from what has been considered above, parents have played a vital role to prevent growth in crime rates.
In conclusion, personality development of chilren is unable to be perfect without supporting frome family side. Futhermore, a propriate nurture of parents not only has helped to drop crime in youngsters but also produced good citizens for our future.

(324 words)

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  • Write about the following topic:

    Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

    To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?

    Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

    Write at least 250 words

    • Let’s me take some overall words in this discourse. First of all, This above essay is not comply with the requirement of IELTS essay, namely the amount of words is far beyond of limitation allowed. That will lead to take much time for practice anything else. Secondly, in the introduction paragraph, the writer did not mention his( her) thesis completely, even the balanced opinion was not clear on it. Some academic should be used in the structural in order to obtain high marks, and also there are plenty of the simple structural should be changed by academic ones for getting high score. Using synonym & antonym should be paid attention to apply more. Eventually, if writer wishes an expected score, let’s figure out the structural by referring some effective methods of Ryan or Simon on the internet. Regards.

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