Academic IELTS Writing Task 2 Topic 08

Model Essay 7:

Today’s society has been pressured into resolving numerous tough and sensitive issues that have become stronger and negatively affected to all people, especially the young generations who are living in the information and digital age without necessary control and permissions from their parents and teachers. It’s undeniable that families and schools play paramount roles in children development in their personalities and psychology, which forces the under 18-year-old to walk on the criminal road unless having it. Nevertheless, a host of considerable reasons in relation to the constantly changing society, technology and education system is also regarded as the big contribution to the climb in young criminals.

Family is commonly considered as the most influential element on how a child is nourished and able to develop his characteristics in the future. However, there are more and more unexpectedly detrimental factors including parents-related relationship problems, unbeatably attractive modern gadgets and the hustle and bustle of the 21st century lifestyles, which results in parents’ less concentration and proper education on their children.

Additionally, the significantly increasing pressure on exam results stemming from the peers and the teachers at schools has been occupying most of attention rather than emotional and psychological cares for the students. Children under the age of 18 in this century are really facing a wide variety of social and emotional problems than their early counterparts, but it seems that they are standing alone against to most of the negative impacts from the exam-oriented education system, the serious lack of teachers’ instructions and orientation on personal development.

In conclusion, the rapid advancements of technology, the continuously changing living styles and the education systems discouraging individual and moral development together with deficiency in parents’ and teachers’ social and emotional teaching have been becoming some of the most concerned causes which lead the youngsters to be more violent and become criminals in the near future.

[ Written by – Đỗ Thị Hồng Nhung -312 words]

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  • Write about the following topic:

    Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

    To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?

    Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

    Write at least 250 words

    • Let’s me take some overall words in this discourse. First of all, This above essay is not comply with the requirement of IELTS essay, namely the amount of words is far beyond of limitation allowed. That will lead to take much time for practice anything else. Secondly, in the introduction paragraph, the writer did not mention his( her) thesis completely, even the balanced opinion was not clear on it. Some academic should be used in the structural in order to obtain high marks, and also there are plenty of the simple structural should be changed by academic ones for getting high score. Using synonym & antonym should be paid attention to apply more. Eventually, if writer wishes an expected score, let’s figure out the structural by referring some effective methods of Ryan or Simon on the internet. Regards.

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