Academic IELTS Writing Task 2 Topic 08

Model Essay 8:

Some experts attribute the recent upsurge of violent crime rate among juveniles under 18 to the lack of social and emotional knowledge received from their families and schools. From my perspectives, however, those immature violent criminals not only get insufficient learning but also are negatively affected by computer games.

Apparently, the fact that adults leave children get away with themselves is one of the factors that causes youngsters get involved in violent crime. In practice, many couples of parents often shift their responsibility of teaching their children on teachers’ shoulders though a large fraction of time children spend at home. Such parents’ irresponsibility is likely to get children exposed to social evils including violence. In addition, at schools, not a few lecturers emphasize on students’ academic performance but their morality. As a result, students appear to encounter no barrier to involve fightings.

Similarly, the indulgence in computer games poses untold hidden mental hazards in children’s mentality in various aspects. In fact, nowadays numerous computer games contain brutal shots. Such violent elements seem to get teenagers accustomed to disturbances, thereby excite their uncontrollable behaviors. Besides, violent games are prone to create both actual and potential rivals among players. Consequently, young players who are hungry for success will fall out and even fight to each other eventually.

In sum, violence crime among youngster seems to become an increasingly annoying issue nowadays. Both parents and teachers should take proactive measures to curb this problem by paying more attention to nurture their children and hindering them from getting access to violent computer games.

(259 words)

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  • Write about the following topic:

    Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

    To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?

    Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

    Write at least 250 words

    • Let’s me take some overall words in this discourse. First of all, This above essay is not comply with the requirement of IELTS essay, namely the amount of words is far beyond of limitation allowed. That will lead to take much time for practice anything else. Secondly, in the introduction paragraph, the writer did not mention his( her) thesis completely, even the balanced opinion was not clear on it. Some academic should be used in the structural in order to obtain high marks, and also there are plenty of the simple structural should be changed by academic ones for getting high score. Using synonym & antonym should be paid attention to apply more. Eventually, if writer wishes an expected score, let’s figure out the structural by referring some effective methods of Ryan or Simon on the internet. Regards.

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