Academic IELTS Writing Task 2 Topic 08

Model Essay 9:

The increase of crimes committed by young people is just one of the consequences of the way our society is evolving. In my opinion, the reason is precisely in the way children grow both at home and at school, where the lack of adults support often means to a child the need to learn by himself how to behave with people.

First of all, it is important to realize how the relationships between students and teachers have changed through the last decade, since the introduction of electronic devices in our everyday life. The massive use of such devices, like smartphones, is influencing not only the way a child behave with people, but also the way he thinks and approaches everyday situations. In this sense, a child using too much electronic devices could develop the idea that school is unuseful because he can learn whatever he needs from the internet, avoiding listening to the teacher.

Secondly, we should consider how the role of parents has changed after technology revolution. Before computers were created for leisure purposes, children used to spend more time with parents or relatives once at home after school lessons. Therefore, they used to acquire information mainly from other people they knew very well. Electronic devices have stolen time to adults and children, weakening the relationship they had among each others. The result is that many children prefer to learn new things by using the internet instead of asking to relatives and spending time with them, as it was for centuries in human history.

All these things considered, I strongly believe that the way people changed their approach to social relationships is badly affecting the growth of nowadays children. This lack of social and emotional learning will have really negative effects on tomorrow adults, with consequences difficult to predict.

(300 words)

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  • Write about the following topic:

    Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

    To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?

    Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

    Write at least 250 words

    • Let’s me take some overall words in this discourse. First of all, This above essay is not comply with the requirement of IELTS essay, namely the amount of words is far beyond of limitation allowed. That will lead to take much time for practice anything else. Secondly, in the introduction paragraph, the writer did not mention his( her) thesis completely, even the balanced opinion was not clear on it. Some academic should be used in the structural in order to obtain high marks, and also there are plenty of the simple structural should be changed by academic ones for getting high score. Using synonym & antonym should be paid attention to apply more. Eventually, if writer wishes an expected score, let’s figure out the structural by referring some effective methods of Ryan or Simon on the internet. Regards.

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