IELTS Writing Task 2 Topic (released in June, 2016)
It is suggested that everyone wants to have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages?
Model Essay of Band 8.5:
It is true that almost everyone wants a car, a TV and a fridge as some of the basic essentials of a good lifestyle. Despite the benefits, I believe that on a long-term view these are outweighed by the disadvantages.
On the one hand, the growing consumption of cars, televisions and fridges has several benefits. At its simplest, the rise of the consumer society stimulates economic growth. The increasing sales figures of cars and household equipment are often associated with more jobs and wealth being created for society. Another advantage is that people can have a higher standard of living than before. Travelling on the road is no longer tedious because individuals can sit in a car, listening to music and enjoying the comfort of air conditioning. In the same way, people may watch television to relax or to gain knowledge, and fridges help them preserve food longer without being stale.
On the other hand, I believe that the above benefits are outweighed by potential problems. Primarily, the use of cars is often held responsible for environmental pollution. Exhaust emissions from automobiles impair the air quality and consequently affect people’s health. For example, in many big cities in the world, urban citizens are suffering from chronic respiratory problems due to the poor air quality. Using fridges and televisions also places a pressure on electricity supply in the world. The growing use of these devices in the home merely compounds the problem of insufficient electricity that has become intractable in many parts of the world.
In conclusion, taking a long-term perspective, I would argue that the drawbacks of this trend outweigh the advantages.
(272 words – written by IELTS Teacher, Vinh Duong)
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This cannot be a band 9 essay. There are many grammatical mistakes.
Hi,
Thank you for your feedback. This is a well-written essay marked by IELTS Examiner (Mark).
Each person will have a different viewpoint about how to write a Band 9.0 essay but fundamentally, it will be marked Band 9.0 based on the following IELTS Writing Mark Schemes:
1. Task Achievement (fully satisfies all the requirements of the task and clearly presents a fully developed response)
2. Coherence and Cohesion (uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention and skilfully manages paragraphing)
3. Lexical Resource (uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’)
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (uses a wide range of structures with full flexibility and accuracy; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’)
Hope it helps 🙂