IELTS Writing Actual Test in December, 2015 & Band 9.0 Cause/Solution Essay: Commercial Pressure on Students
Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?
Band 9.0 Sample:
There is a current distressing situation that the external life has burdened the youth with a wide range of pressures. In this essay, I would discuss several precursors to this issue, before some viable measures are drawn.
The fact that children are coerced into pressures and responsibilities stems from a number of root reasons. As far as the academic burden is concerned, it is the escalating competitiveness of the job market accompanied by the parental over-expectation that is to blame. The organisations’ demand for a qualified workforce pours into the parents’ mind a thought that their children have to be successful at school, and many youths today take studying as an obligation. In addition, some children, mostly those who have special talents or are born in famous families, may find their personal life in the public interest. The appearance on the media at such a young age may deprive the junior citizens of an innocent and carefree childhood. Regarding the commercial pressure children have to encounter, fast food chains or sweetshops have made them the target customers, and they are dragged into a chaotic influx of information by both the online and offline advertising campaigns.
In order to reverse such pressures on children, I would like to propose a number of drastic remedies. Firstly, parents should create a mentally and physically healthy domestic environment, involving a balance between learning and relaxing. Cooling-down activities such as sports, drawing or travelling, which are normally affordable, can release the stress of children brought on by both academic and social burdens. In addition, business morality has to be emphasised and penetrated by all firms. They should keep their online advertisements inaccessible to the youth by putting age restrictions on their websites.
In final words, it is unfair for the children to bear any kind of pressure, and every part of society should exert effort to provide them with a happy youth life.
- Viable: capable of working successfully; feasible.
==>the proposed investment was economically viable
- Coerce: persuade (an unwilling person) to do something by using force or threats t
==>hey were coerced into silence
- Escalate: increase rapidly.
==>the price of tickets escalated
- Competitiveness: The quality of being as good as or better than others of a comparable nature
==>High-protein soybean varieties may improve competitiveness of livestock producers.
- Deprive: deny (a person or place) the possession or use of something.
==>the city was deprived of its water supplies.
- Drastic: Likely to have a strong or far-reaching effect; radical and extreme
==>This is likely to mean a drastic reduction of overheads and also of headcount.
- Emphasize: give special importance or prominence to (something) in speaking or writing
==>he jabbed a finger into the tabletop to emphasize his point.
- Penetrate: succeed in forcing a way into or through (a thing)
==>the shrapnel had penetrated his head and chest.
- Inaccessible: unable to be reached
==:We continue to sign collective agreements that are generally written in complex and inaccessible language.)
- Restriction: a limiting condition or measure, especially a legal one. .
==>The company is now planning restrictions on commercial development.
- Exert: make a physical or mental effort.
==>He needs to exert himself to try to find an answer.
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