IELTS Writing Task 1 Topic:
The bar chart illustrates the data on major exports in Southland in 2000, 2016 and the estimated figures in 2025.
Overall, while international tourism and dairy exports have generated more revenue since 2000, sales for meat products have experienced a downward trend. It is forecasted that by 2025, only the value of international tourism will continue to grow, whereas that of dairy and meat export industries will decline.
Starting at just over 8 billion pounds, international tourism was by far the largest export in Southland in 2000. This figure has increased since then to the present number of nearly 9 billion pounds. Yet international tourism could not maintain its first rank, for it has been exceeded by dairy products with approximately 10 billion pounds of revenue. That is a dramatic improvement for a single industry, as dairy and meat were the two smaller exports in 2000, with just below 7 billion and 6 billion pounds of sales respectively. Meat export, however, has fallen to as low as 5.5 billion pounds since 2000.
According to future projections, international tourism will regain its former top position with around 10 billion pounds in 2025. This industry is estimated to be followed by dairy products, which may undergo a slight depreciation to a number of 9.5 billion pounds in the same year. A downward trend is also likely to be observed in the figure for meat products, and this industry may generate a relatively small sum of money –only 5 billion pounds in 2025.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Topic:
In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Or Some cultures value old age while others value young age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
IELTS Candidate’s Essay and Feedback from IELTS Examiner:
People have different views about whether the elderly or the young are more valued. This essay will discuss both points of view
Aged people have more experience behind them. They have seen more life. As a result
of this they have a deeper understanding of the problems of the world and are more capable of making judicious decisions. In Australian culture, aged men and women command great respect in the society. Theirs tend to be the last word in matters of utmost importance. Young men and women in the family may have better educational qualifications, but they still listen to their aged parents and grandparents.
Consider the case of world leaders. Most of them are men and women in their sixties or seventies. They are chosen leaders for their ability to handle situations with more maturity. All over the world, people who occupy higher positions aren’t exactly young. Youngsters may be full of energy and enthusiasm, but they lack experience and the maturity that comes with it. They are also more likely to get carried away by their emotions or excitement.
On the flip side, old age is a period of increasing dependence. As people age, their faculties may get impaired. They may have trouble remembering things or taking sound decisions. Unfortunately, this is an inevitable part of the process of aging. People also become much less productive in their twilight years.
After analyzing the situation, it is felt that both ages have their merits and demerits. Age may bring wisdom, but it also makes people dependent. The truth is that no society can survive without the energy and enthusiasm of its youngsters. And if they receive the guidance of their aged counterparts, they will be able to work wonders.
Comment and Feedback on this essay:
Good range of vocabulary
Quite good control of grammar, with several blunders
The introduction and the conclusion are not very well-written. Bear in mind that there should be a background statement and a thesis statement in the introduction.
Some problems with usage of conjunctions (on the other hand, last but not least, etc.)
From my perspective, your essay is around band 7.0. You shoud work on your introduction and cohesion & coherence